Why Did You Not Open My Gift? 

Hello guys, this is a Post-Valentine’s write-up. I really do hope you all had a wonderful Valentine’s Day.

Enjoy.

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Hey,

I’m sorry I have to bring this up. I’m sorry I couldn’t just keep quiet and pretend that I didn’t see the present I bought you seeing pretty unopened on the shelf. It’s been 6 days now and it’s still unopened.

Every morning as I walk out the door and into the day, in my head, I say a silent prayer, “Maybe Lord, maybe today”.

Maybe today,  you will notice that the box is gathering dust and the once brightly colored red wrapper and all its glitters look sad and gloomy.

Maybe today,  you will realize that it took me weeks of careful planning to pick this one out. It took hours of careful scrutiny before I finally settled on this one.

Maybe today,  you will realize that I thought about what to buy for you for a whole month. I went from store to store, trying to decide what to get for you. You see, nothing would ever be good enough for you. Nothing would ever absolutely convey how much I deep care about you. Nothing seemed big enough to describe how I feel, but small enough for it not to overwhelm. Nothing seemed fierce enough to show you how much I would want to be with you, but warm enough to show you that I’m not here to pressure you.

Maybe today, you will realize that I had this gift custom made for you. Because nothing ever made for the general public could be appropriate for you. You don’t fall under the one size fits all. I painstakingly picked out every thread and every fabric, every metal, every stone, every sweat that went into its creation, I picked out. And I executed it perfectly.

Maybe today,  you will realize that I went through the distance, through time and space,  across the desert to make sure that you got this gift in one piece. It cut deep into me pushing through the empty cold in my pockets, as I devoted everything to making sure that nothing was amiss.

Maybe today, you will realize that I came home with the gift with so much joy and all I wanted, all that would have made everything  worthwhile, was to see how your face would light up when you saw what was inside. All I wanted was for you to open it, see how carefully crafted it was,  smile at me,  and tell me well done.

But you took it,  without even looking up from your computer screen, you placed it on the shelf.

My love, my sweat,  my creativity, my expression, you placed on the shelf without as much as blinking.

Now everyday, I am reminded that I was stupid to have thought about loving you. Even more stupid to have assumed that you just might feel the seem way. Classically stupid to have gotten you this gift. Now everyday, I’m forced to see my shame and pretend that it’s not there. I’m forced to see that I love the wrong person.

The excitement is all gone. I just really want you to open it or at least take it down that gaddamn shelf so it can stop torturing me.

But still,  one part of me, the part that has refused to stop loving you,  really wants to know; Why did you not open my gift?
SugaRush,

With sugary hands and buttered pens.

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NEPENTHE

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I hear the sound like thunder, even though there is no sign of rain.
Big heavy bangs! Smoke everywhere!
Screams from the little girl that lives opposite my house, she used to sing a lot, but today it’s all screams
My brothers are running down the street, shouting in fear,
the dust raised by their feet creates a fog, I can’t see through it

Another loud bang!
This time its closer, I can feel the ground under me shiver,
Everything seems to be afraid.
I’m just confused.

Last week, my dad and I took a walk through these streets,
he carried me on his shoulders,
He told me that soon enough I could be anything I wanted to be.
He told me to look far from my vantage point on his shoulders,
He told me to smell it, to feel it!
“Democracy is coming!” he told me, with a hopeful hearty laughter.
I clapped my hands in response.
Democracy had to be a good person for my daddy to anticipate his arrival so much, I thought.

Today it’s all different.
Tires are burning on the street,
I see people running to and fro,
I see my sisters trying to…
OH NO!
The soldiers just shot another one! My brother! My beloved brother! Gunned down on the street like a common dog
I can’t find my father anywhere,
I’m scared. What do I do now?
“Run!, Run!” my legs seem to be instructing my brain.
Where am I going to? Where am I running to? Who would welcome me there? Who is waiting for me there? Isn’t Democracy coming anymore?
I heard there had been a Coup.

I’m too tired, my tears are hot, I fear they would burn through my skin and leave a scar.

Wait!
Something hit me,
It burns, like a thousand needles in my back
It feels metallic,
I can taste it in my mouth,
No, it’s my blood in my mouth.
What hit me?
My vision is blurring out,
My breathing is shortened, I’m gasping!
Somebody help me! Something hit me! The Soldiers aimed something at me! I’m just a little boy!
Please help me!
My eyes are shutting of their own accord.
All I can hear is my mother’s voice.

“Nepenthe,
Mother of memories,
Mother of time,
Change the scorching sun,
Give me breeze,
Change my sadness,
Give me peace.”
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This is for the present crisis in Burkina Faso. Let’s stand with our fellow African brothers. May The Creator of All things grant us Peace.
#JeSuisBurkina

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With Sugary Love,
SugaRush.

You’ve Lost Me

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This is not a poem, this has no artistic touch whatsoever. It’s as plain as it can be. This is for anybody that can relate to this on this day of Love.

There was a time
You had my attention
Breathing only when you commanded
My decisions centered around you
Love letters I wrote, one for each passing day
Pouring passion into words and heartbeat in ink

Then I saw you
Far away from the starting line of the race
I was a lone runner
No one to pass the baton to
You could care less
I really didn’t matter as much anymore,
Heck! I doubt if I ever mattered.
Lone runner in a relay race

Pushing me away at every turn still I held on,
Love blinded my reasoning,
Tossing away my pride I begged you not to discard me,
I lost myself, lost my voice.

Walking on eggshells,
I scampered carefully to hold us together
The leather of my skin turned into a band to tie us together
Washing away the pain with my blood

“Sorry” how I loathe that word!
Too quick, you were to say it
Hardly were you ever truly sorry.
I lingered and loved and fought battles in my head

Here I am, conceding defeat
But it feels like victory
The love I have for you is beginning to go cold
The veil is getting lifted from my eyes
I think again, I live again for me

There was a time you had my attention
Breathing only when you commanded….
Now, you are a second thought.

My tummy doesn’t tie in a knot when I see your messages anymore,
I don’t get angry when I see you flirt openly, it used to irk me, now it amuses me
You are no longer worth fighting for.

We could have been, you know.
We had everything we needed except ofcourse we didn’t have you.
Maybe you were afraid to love, or you just didn’t want to love me.

I tried, you know i did.
You would rather follow the mirage that the Internet space gave you.
Rather give handles the compliments I was dying to hear
Have conversations with contacts, when all I wanted was to listen to you.

You didn’t even notice when I began to learn to live without you.
When I showed up sparingly at where used to be my home.
When I didn’t care for a goodbye kiss or a hug or even a walk.

Now we live in formalities,
Pretending that we care about each other as we ought.
The “hey” and routine questions about your day and food.
Talking about surface things, and really nothing at all.
Maybe it’s up to one of us to close the door, I’d suggest you.
You’ve gotten a ton of practice.

Time they say heals all wounds,
time has been kind to me.
Wounds are closing up, the marks are fading.
If you walk away today, I’d bid you adieu cos now I’m certain that you’ve lost me.

Happy Valentines Day

With Sugary Love…..
SugaRush.

#30ShadesOfGrateful – Day 19

theres a little truth behind every [justkidding]
a little curiosity behind every [justwondering]
a little knowledge behind every [idontknow]
and a little emotion behind every [idontcare]
There is a little sadness behind every [itsalright]
a little pain behind every
[i’m fine]
a little caution behind every
[Do what you want]
a little bitterness behind every
[i forgive you]