Last week I was down with a terrible case of food poisoning and I almost died. The doctors say that I was lucky that I was brought it when I was cos the damage was fatal and caused wounds in my stomach. Laying down on that bed with the drips pumping the drugs through my veins I thought. What would have happened if I died?
Will the soldier ants that marched to invest my room halt and give a salute?
How long will my friends cry? Will they be late for my funeral? How long will my lover stay celibate before he pounces on another woman in obedience to his loins? Will he love me in death or love another? Would my sister be quick to burn my clothes, or would she drown them in her tears?
Will my boring law lecturers become lively and funny for one day, in memory of me?
What would be written on my tomb stone? Will my little shop close down? How many people would genuinely miss me? How nice would my funeral be? Would it be epic or just a regular “one more person gone” funeral?
Then I realized that none of these questions would ever be answered. Atleast, not to my hearing.
I had a close call, but I’m still here. I have a duty to myself to make my life count. I’m not going to be a regular girl, I can’t afford to be. I’m not going to value your opinion of me so much I can’t afford to waste any more time. I won’t live to patronize anybody, my life is too precious.
Forgive me now if I smile too easily, I have to appreciate all I can. Forgive me now if I can’t be bothered with your drama, it’s really not my kind of art anymore. Forgive me now if I love too easily, my heart would stop beating eventually, why can’t I make every beat into a song?
Forgive me now if I’m a little too focused on myself, I only have a little time, I might as well get to know me.
I’m going to do me. I’m going to do right by God and by myself. I’m going to live everyday reminding myself that if I’m gonna have a great funeral, I have to have an even better life.
With Sugary Love,